i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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