I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
