she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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