you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
