Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
