i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
