so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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