WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
