I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
