If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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