it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
