I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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