She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
This baby is an asshole
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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