If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize