I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
