when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
