She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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