Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
