listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
