your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
