dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
