do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
