I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
