just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
