this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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