So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
