awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
