I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
birth control should be required to get into college
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
