i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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