tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
