Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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