Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
