I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
