My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
