I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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