i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
