stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
