I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
