He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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