Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
