I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
