I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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