This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize