theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
