Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
