An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
