Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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