yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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