i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Two words: blizzard sex
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize