Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
