They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
