will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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