Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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