So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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