did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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