But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
