We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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