I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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