idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
