i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
