Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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