but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
