I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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