sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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