Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
