god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
