Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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