you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize